On The Matter Of Kids

A couple of days ago, Wac mentioned that one of her friends was pregnant again. My initial response was "Wow, that sucks."

Reason being, this friend had been trying for a long time to get pregnant, and when it finally happened, she was rewarded with the miracle of having twins. Although she was undoubtedly ecstatic to finally be a mother, it's been a tough situation for the family. They recently bought a condo in a neighborhood just north of Seattle, but the condo is already looking pretty small for the twins. Trying to sell the place and move into a bigger one is going to be really tough, if not impossible. In addition, although she and her husband both have jobs, she works as a teacher; not exactly a top paying job. They've been struggling a bit financially trying to juggle two newborns, and in less than nine months, they'll have a third. Of course, she's excited about having another baby, but I can't help but think about how difficult of a situation that family is in.

For the record, I like kids. I prefer kids once they're a year old or more (I've had two people close to me have kids in the past 12 months but I'm still too uncomfortable to "hold the baby".) Likewise, I certainly prefer the fact that these kids are someone else's. I'd said for years that there should be an organization that allows you to rent babies and kids; you get to enjoy all the goofy and cute stuff but return them when they get annoying or become a hassle.

For several years, I always thought I'd have kids. If I had settled into a long term relationship sooner, perhaps I'd already be a father now. But as each year passes, any desire to be a father gets weaker and weaker. When I think of having kids, I can't help but imagine the financial obligations, the time commitments, the frustration that goes along with it. I know there's certainly plenty of wonderful aspects of having kids, and I'm sure they don't compare to anything else in the world. I'm sure fatherhood is a wonderful thing, but inevitably, it means giving up another wonderful thing: the freedom to do whatever I want. Freedom to go out to dinner, to go to bars, to travel the world, to go running, to sleep in, etc. There's still too many things I want to do in this world, and it's already hard enough trying to accomplish those with so much debt, on such little income. I've been striving hard to work out those problems, I just don't have the desire to get those burdens back because I want a child.

Ultimately, I may not have a choice. Sometimes, those things seem to just appear out of nowhere despite all efforts to prevent it. If that ever does occur, I'll certainly embrace the little guy (or girl) without a single ounce of regret or disappointment. But, as long as I have the choice...I'd much rather prefer to live vicariously through other people's kids.

Besides, we have these two little fuckers to worry about as it is. They're pretty much like kids already: