Taking Back The Blog

My first blog post, several years ago on Myspace, was a quick blurb about strippers. I only wrote it because I felt compelled to have something on my Myspace blog. It wasn't anything insightful or even interesting. Just a quick little story, if anything, to be able to say that I wrote a blog.

Back then, my audience was small. This was late 2003, and Myspace was still several months away from becoming the phenomenon we now know it as. My "friends" only consisted of a couple real life friends that were as geeky as I was to have a Myspace page. Of my first 20 friends, I think about 75% of them were people I didn't even know. It seems so long ago, but in the early days of Myspace, you used your account to meet new strange people and collect them as friends. Some people took this as a way of adding importance to their lives, using the number of friends they have to bestow some sort of coolness status upon them. It may still be that way today; I haven't cared about Myspace in so long I don't even know what goes on there anymore.

Early on in my Myspacing days, I used it as a way to meet girls. Not in the creepy, pick-up on 13-year-olds, AOL chatroom kind of way. Like in an eHarmony dating service kind of way. I had a couple encounters (one with a bisexual, another with a Republican) that never amounted to anything. Not all of my friends were prospective partners - I really did make some platonic friends as well. The point being, the majority of my friends were relative strangers to me. They knew nothing about me other than emails we sent and what they saw about me on my Myspace page, including my blogs. And, although it was never a conscious decision, that affected what I wrote in my blogs.

I started writing blogs more frequently, using a sense of anonymity to write about whatever I wanted. Most of my posts were about nonsense, but I did write some deeply personal posts as well. It wasn't that I was writing things about people because I had the freedom that they wouldn't read it. But knowing that certain people weren't reading my blog, I was able to write about things in the same way that I would if I was keeping a journal or a diary. I know it may sound weird, but sometimes, if I'm going to get commentary about something I write, I'd rather it come from a complete stranger than someone I know. So I used my blog as either a way to present my humourous & creative side to possible ladyfriends, or a means of writing about something in an honest way that I wouldn't be able to do if I knew certain people were reading it.

As Myspace grew, it was inevitable that many of my real-life friends opened up accounts as well, so my friend list started consisting of more & more people that I actually knew. First, it was casual friends, then best friends, and finally, my family. Somewhere during this time, I also jumped into a relationship. So, not only did my readership consist of people who actually knew me, I was also no longer in the market for a ladyfriend. This affected my blog posting drastically. I started posting less & less, and when I did post, I found myself often asking "do I want so-and-so to read this?"

On this blog, my readership consists of my girlfriend, my family, and a handful of friends. I've gone from some stranger on the internet writing random stories about random topics to writing solely to people I personally know. Even though I started blogging as a way to help me meet girls, I really didn't get into blogging until I embraced how therapeudic blogging became. In my opinion, my blog posts are best when I'm not using them as a way to meet people or a way to communicate to people I know, but as a way to just let my thoughts go, whoever sees them be damned.

Because of who my audience is, I'm no longer able to write blog posts the same way I used to. This isn't a slight on you personally. It's just that, the fact that I know who might potentially read this blog causes me to often edit what I'm saying, and that doesn't fulfill my creative side. It's my problem, and I haven't found a way to work around it yet, and so, my blog has suffered.

But this post is the first step towards finding enjoyment in keeping a blog. I guess this is sort of a warning announcement to you, my reader. Somedays, you might find me writing some scathing editorial on how much of the argument against illegal immigration stems from racism towards the Hispanic community. Other days, you might find me talking about how I've become addicted to Jalapeno Beef Jerky, to the point that I'm spending almost $20 a week on it. Maybe you'll find me talking about boring topics like the Suns or poker. Or, perhaps I might even be talking about something that has to do with you. You might find what I write humorous, or maybe you'll find it offensive. It might be too personal or it just may end up being really boring & pointless. But I just can't concern myself with how my posts are interpreted. I'm taking back this blog as my creative outlet, and you just have to decide if you want to go along for the ride.

I should note that I won't be using my blog as a place to say something about someone that I wouldn't say to them in person. I'm not going to use it as a passive-aggressive way to resolve a personal issue, and I won't use it to make public an issue that should stay private. Of course, it will be me who decides what that will be, but rest assured that this blog won't be used to air grievances or resolve conflicts. I've been down that road before, and it's not the right thing to do. Otherwise, consider this my way of starting this blog anew.