Nothing Special, Really

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Road Trip, Part 3

As you should know, when I say "Check back tomorrow for more updates", it really means "Check back in a week."

Wednesday, April 25th
San Francisco - Where Even The Sea Lions Are Gay

When we last left you, we had just arrived in San Francisco after 15 hours of driving. All that driving, and being up since 5am, wears one out, and by midnight, I was ready to sleep the next morning away.

That didn't happen. I was up by 8am so I could move my car from the public garage to valet. Parking is a premium in this city, and either way I was paying $30\day to store my car, but at least with valet I had in & out privileges (insert gay sex joke here). With the early start to the morning, we grabbed a Muni pass and some breakfast, and traveled through San Francisco the best way possible....cable car!

Who knew public transportation could be so much fun? I was more gung-ho about hanging off the side of a moving vehicle than Wac was, but we both had a good time "hanging out". Get it? HA!

We arrived at the Fisherman's Wharf, not really knowing what to do next. We turned right, hoping to arrive at Ghiradelli Square. 90 minutes and $15 dollars later, we should have gone left. At least the time was well spent. Let me explain.

We walked down whatever street it is that that runs along the Wharf; I don't feel like looking it up right now. We resisted the temptation of cheesy souvenirs and franchise food joints, although the possibility of ordering In & Out while wearing matching "Escape Alcatraz Inmate" striped T-shirts was especially inviting. We made our way further south\northeast (directions in this city are useless) when we hear the wonderful sounds of barking sea lions.

We spent a good fifteen minutes watching the sea lions either fight with each other or sleep. The fighting sea lions (now THAT sounds like an awesome mascot) were entertaining, but we were particularly fixated on the giant sleeping sea lion that was about to fall off into the water. Sadly, he didn't fall. It was around this time that Wac was able to spot the sea lion penis that she so graciously photographed and sent to some of her friends. She's got a knack for spotting those kinds of things, I guess.

(insert penis joke here).

There's nothing like a sea lion penis exposure that makes one crave chocolate, so we went off in search of Ghiradelli square. As were walking, I hear some yell out something like "Excuse me, sir, stop right there". I've grown accustomed to filtering out sounds like this, and usually I chalk it up to nothing more than someone's attempt to get money that I don't have to offer. But this sounded more stern, more powerful, so I stopped and turned my head.

"What you just did was illegal, and I'm going to have to give you a citation."

I look, and it's not a cop saying this, but some elderly black man, very Morgan Freeman-esque. I realize right away that this is a scam, but on a crowded sidewalk, with this gentleman now standing in front of us, and my tendency to not be an asshole to people, escape was out of the question.

"I'm from the Wacky Police, and I'm going to have to give you a citation for failing to smile while you're holding this pretty little lady's hand."

Ugh. Let's just get this over with.

He goes on, rambling some pseudo-police mumbo-jumbo, then explains that the money goes to charity, how he was a Berkeley grad and now he's doing this, yadda yadda yadda, and to top things off, he even gets a tear in his eye. This guy was good. He gives us a couple of T-Shirts, no money required, no donation necessary, but he then asks if I'm willing to take care of the citation and discretely points out (on the pre-made citation that he's filled out) that there's a $15 fine with this. Fuck me! I've got $60 to last me for the next two days, and he wants 25%!

$15 later, we're on out way to Ghiradelli Square, and all thoughts of how I just got ripped off were quickly washed away by probably the best ice cream sundae I've ever had.

We headed back to the hotel (via cable car, of course) to rest up for a bit, and then we made our way to the Fog City Diner. We chose this location for it's importance in one of my all time favorite movies, So I Married An Axe Murderer. We decided that one thing we would do on this trip was a tour of various key points from the movie, and this was our first stop. Surprisingly, it was very fancy for a diner, and the $11 burger proved that this was no ordinary diner. We had cheddar biscuits for an appetizer, and at $4.50 for two, you'd think it was a ripoff, but these things made the Red Lobster cheese biscuits seem like bread crumbs. The burger was incredible too, and it was accompanied by fresh pickles, made on the premises. It was, quite possibly, one of the best "comfort food" meals I've ever had.

Nighttime was fast approaching, and we had a couple of options. We had talked about going to see Air perform, but at $40+ per person, it was too steep. The Junior Boys were also in town, and there were a couple of theater shows that were offering half-priced tickets, but in the end, it was too hard to pass up a couple of our favorites. For it was Wednesday night, and most of you know what that means.

ANTM & Lost.

I have no shame in saying that we spent the first night in San Francisco watching TV in our hotel room. For both of us, the thrill and excitement of being out on the town in a city like this did not outweigh trying to catch up with our favorite TV shows (only Lost in my case - I am not an ANTM follower. Although I will say that I'm rooting for the Russian chick). It was the best decision too - we were both not disappointed, and considering the $15 molestation we encountered earlier, we were both willing to take the cheapest alternative for entertainment.

Coming up next - Day 2 in San Francisco, where a rocky start to the day ultimately leads to the form of a cupcake.


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